#09: Pinocchio (1940)

Every few years or so, it seems that we get a metric ton of movies based on one particular fairy tale or classic story. We got a bunch of Robin Hood movies a few times, a bunch of Snow White movies, Cinderella is another example. I guess given that the material is often timeless and in the public domain you get these weird years of just a bunch of movies based on one story. And boy, was 2022 the case for Pinocchio for some reason. From that weird direct to video one with Pauly Shore as the voice in the English dub, to Guillermo Del Toro's take, to Disney pulling another of its classic films out to dance for money. 2022 was the weird Pinocchio year. I'll likely get to some of those, but for now it's time to continue my run through the Disney animated films. Started this blog with Snow White, so stands to reason we continue with Disney's second animated masterpiece. How does the original Pinocchio hold up?

#08: The Princess Bride (1987)

 

I've said before that the main reason for this blog was to finally give me the motivation to watch the movies I've wanted to watch but didn't put in the energy to actually watch. I don't think any one movie so far fits that description better than The Princess Bride. A movie that has always been within my radar, but for one reason or the other, I've never put in the effort to actually sit down and watch. I think it boils down to just being my ADHD and focus more on video games and other media. Because I knew that it would be a movie I'd love when I finally watched it. And, lo and behold, after finally watching it, I hate it.

...I hate it that I waited so long to finally watch it because yep, that may be one of my favorite movies ever. 

#07: Max Headroom: 20 Minutes Into the Future (1985)

 

We're in this current timeline where, seemingly now more than ever, there's been a focus on artificial intelligence. Mostly through art, which of course is mostly theft, which I've been trying not to support. It seems like we're in this weird push for and against AI as a replacement for human effort. So, of course with a lot of this happening just as I'm about to start a blog, of course I could use this to my advantage. And my choice was to go with probably one of the best examples of the "AI" future, involving one of the more bizarre creations from the 1980s. Let's talk about Max Headroom: 20 Minutes Into the Future.

#06: The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland (1999)

Last time on the blog, I covered Sesame Street Presents: Follow That Bird. From 1985, it was Sesame Street's first attempt at a big theatrical film. And while it was well received, it underwhelmed at the box office. Yet despite that, it still holds up as an excellent piece of Sesame Street history and as a good film in its own right. I call it a pivotal piece of Sesame Street's best era. Is that fair to say though? What about the 90s? Was that a good era for Sesame Street? Yes, and kind of no? Because by the end of the decade, the show went from the show with Big Bird to the Elmo show. Elmo, the furry red monster who started as an extra Muppet before becoming a staple character, gained increased popularity throughout the 90s. And in 1996, one could say that led to the most defining era of Elmo and the harbinger of things to come. Three words that bring forth the trauma of parents who survived the Black Fridays of the 90s. 

Tickle. Me. Elmo. 

#05: Sesame Street Presents: Follow That Bird (1985)

So this one is kind of a cheat in that it's not a movie I just finished watching, as are the cases for most of the movies I cover here. I actually watched this a month ago on a whim. Mostly because it kind of fascinates me. Granted, being 38 and watching a Sesame Street movie seems weird, but I think given the era of this movie, especially with me not even being a whole year old when it came out, I think it's more than fair to cover this movie. And my real consensus is: I really love this movie. A movie based around Sesame Street. A movie based on Big Bird. In what could be considered the best era for Sesame Street. 

#04: Toys (1992)

God I miss Robin Williams.

I think when it comes to talking about 1992's Toys, the first thing that needs to be expressed is that I can't believe we're almost a decade without Robin Williams. When you look back at the man's line of work, you come to realization that, regardless of the quality of the film, Williams could manage to elevate it as best he can. And that when Robin was passionate about a film and hoping for its success, you can definitely see that as well. So when you consider everything that happened around the time of the film's release and in particular his issues with Disney who betrayed his trust when it came to promoting Aladdin, yeah, I can see how he'd be upset. But, in fairness, when the best advertisement that you can make for a movie is Robin Williams screaming in a field, then maybe it always had an uphill climb. Because I think Toys is a mess of a movie. Not the worst mess ever, but one that definitely feels like it lost its plot midway through.

#03: Beavis and Butt-Head do the Universe (2022)

 

A lot of articles or talking points nowadays love to bring up the concept of how something "couldn't be made today." That modern sensibilities would outright reject the product for its dated mentality. So that's what makes Beavis and Butt-Head perhaps one of the most interesting franchises ever in that it's the anomaly. It's a franchise that, despite two decades-long hiatuses, continues to be the one franchise that surprisingly still holds up well. The 2011 series was a solid return to Mike Judge's seminal series, but was shor-lived on account of MTV and not so much the show itself. And since that cancellation, Judge has constantly tried to bring Beavis and Butt-Head back. It took until deep into the streaming age and the formation of Paramount+ to get there, but Beavis and Butt-Head are back. Both as a new series and a new movie that started that very comeback, 2022's Beavis and Butt-Head do the Universe.

Going into this blog, I guess I should start by saying that Beavis and Butt-Head is one of my favorite shows ever. Mainly on account of just how brilliantly dumb it is. Two moronic teenagers who constantly want to score but are so inept that they don't know what scoring actually is. Both their inability to score, not to mention the destruction in their wake due to just how dumb they are, makes for some brilliant comedy. Being, in its own way, a commentary on the youth of the 90s. The generation billed as the leaders of tomorrow, but ultimately are just a bunch of dumb teenagers. The original movie, 1996's Beavis and Butt-Head do America, proved that the characters' crude humor can work in a feature length film without music videos to critique. Because the duo are characters who can be placed in almost any scenario and their stupidity, libido and love of sexual jokes can carry the film. And that's very much the case with the 2022 sequel.

#02: Friday the 13th (1980)

It might be surprising, given that I blog on the regular about horror books, that I'm not a horror fan by trade. Not that I have an issue with the genre, it just never leaps out at me like comedies do. It's something I wish to amend. And, given that Friday the 13th the date has arrived, I could start my endeavor into horror with a look at its first movie. A film described by one Bart Simpson in 1990 as "pretty tame by today's standards." And while Bart was definitely right about that, it doesn't discount the movie much as it's still a solid movie. Perfect, no. Solid, oh very. As someone who really waffles on the horror genre and am starting acclimate myself to it, I think a movie like this is the perfect starting point.

Written by Victor Miller and produced/directed by Sean S. Cunningham, Friday the 13th was created as a way to capitalize on the burgeoning slasher genre that kicked off with John Carpenter's Halloween. The plot is standard fare even for its time. Set up a bunch of teens in a secluded area, let things get wild and silly, then have them taken out one by one. And our cast, for the most part, are likable enough that you do hate to see them get killed. Victims of circumstance who didn't deserve the fate they got. Maybe Ned did though. The prankster character who you aren't too choked up about if he gets offed. Speaking of offed, I like how the movie sets up the kills for the most part. How we never see the killer until the reveal in the climax. How the killer can be easily mistaken as someone trustworthy, easy to let your guard down on before they murder you. Add in the iconic sound effects and music and it all still works well enough. Especially the kills we do see on screen. Kevin Bacon's arrow to the throat is still freaky to look at all these years later. Although, come on, given how much Ned sucks, him getting an off-screen death feels hollow. At least we see his slit throat? I guess that equates to equivalent exchange?

For as much as the movie's focus on kills and suspense are the most important parts, I really loved the look of Camp Crystal Lake itself. Small, secluded camp area in the woods. Just very pretty and pristine. That sort of "beauty to the wilderness that only movies of that era can really make pop' sort of feel. In a blog review that probably should focus more on the gore, I'm more willing to talk about pretty lakes and foliage. No wonder I like the art of Tim Jacobus' Goosebumps covers. Also just a feeling of nostalgia for an era I wasn't yet born into. From the clothing and hair to those fat beer bottles that look more like medicine bottles than ones you'd drink liquor from. I'm a sucker for things that were commonplace of the era but when looking back at it from decades after the fact just make me wish I was there. Well... not actually there while a maniacal mother could murder me, but you get the idea. 

Honestly, I think if there is an ultimate mission statement for this review in particular, it's to amplify how great Betsy Palmer is as Pamela Voorhees. Portraying a mother who is justified with her grief over how her son Jason died due to the negligence of the teen counselors in 1957, while also going into the deep end, so traumatized that her mind has snapped, believing herself to be controlled by Jason to kill the new counselors. And she puts on an excellent tour de force in the role, making for the best part of the movie by far. So great is her role that it just makes me more angered when I remember that Gene Siskel once doxxed her for this movie, giving her address away in his angry review of the film like it was Betsy's fault for anything. No, don't go after director Sean Cunningham (no, seriously, nobody should have gone after Cunningham either), but attack an actress acting in a film. No wonder I liked Ebert more. 

What makes Pamela such a great horror villain is that there is enough of a muddied water as to if her killing spree is justified or not. The movie sets up well enough that Pamela has constantly ensured that Camp Crystal Lake never reopened and that the Christy family never get a chance to reopen "camp blood" through the multiple tragedies that took place. Then you get the scene where Ned in particular screws up by pretending to drown at the lake, which does give Pamela enough of a reason to want to slay these kids. Which is a shame because, aside from Ned, they're all likable enough. Especially Annie, the first victim, who the movie seems to start with, making you believe she's more pivotal to the movie, only to kill her off so soon. As someone who has only watched bits and pieces before that one did catch me off guard. So props for that. Also, the real protagonist, Alice, is one I liked and for our focus of the movie feels like a character you want to see make it to the end. 

I will say the biggest problem I have with the movie is that it does stall a lot. Not even in a way that builds the mystery in an interesting manner. Thankfully the stalling still works well enough to add to that tension. That the killer may just be around the corner. And I can appreciate slower builds to kills over more excessive murders a minute affairs. Though that may be more my ADHD talking when it comes to slower paced movies not keeping my attention. Also given that this blog's intention is to make me sit down and watch more movies on a regular basis, I may as well get used to getting more comfortable with pacing in general. Definitely a me thing there. 

Overall, I liked this movie a lot. Does it hold up perfectly? Probably not, which is why it isn't as high a rating as you'd expect giving my glowing recommendation. I want my final rating to be more how I feel the movie holds up as a whole and not just my own biased opinions. You can tell this is still very amateur hour with these reviews and I'm trying to improve along the way. Which helps as, for someone still going in blind to a lot of the genre, it's a good first step forward in making me interested in the horror genre as a whole. Plot moves well enough, the horror and suspense works, the villain is great and the gore we get still feels impressive to this day (Even if the Kevin Bacon arrow kill does feel cheapened thanks to higher definition). It's also very interesting to see a franchise before it really kicks off. Before Jason became the main villain and not the brilliantly done jump scare at the end of the film. Aside from pacing issues and a bit of a clunky feeling, the good still outweighs those issues. I'll definitely be coming back to these as my interest is piqued. Hopefully I don't take until the next Friday the 13th to get to it. 

RATING: ***1/2

#01: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

Part of my reasoning for making a blog of movie reviews was that I was interested in rewatching movies I either grew up with or finally catching the ones I haven't seen before. Sort of a wake up call to how lapsed I have been when it comes to movies. So, what better way to start and give this blog a side-project of sorts then by watching the animated Disney films? Waffling on if I want to do it in chronological order or not, but starting with the first movie always feels like the best place to start. And what better movie to start with than the first animated feature film (From Disney. There were a few before him)? Let's talk about 1937's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. A movie that I've watched before as a kid, but haven't watched it in decades. But now that I have I can definitely say that it certainly exists.

Not that it's a bad movie, not at all. In terms of its animation it still looks gorgeous, feeling in line with Disney's visual design at the time. Though watching it on Disney+ in the highest definition does feel a bit off. Maybe I'm just more preset to movies on VHS where the quality is a mixed bag. But that's just my head working how it works. But it is a visually pretty movie in terms of its backgrounds and character designs. Not to mention scenes like the Queen's transformation which for as brief as it is, still feels like one of the best looking scenes in any animated movie. I recall when I was younger, the transformation of her hands really freaking me out. As you'll probably get the further into these blogs I do, me being easily freaked out is a regular thing. Me and nightmare fuel are like two peas in a pod.

I will say, having not watched the movie in years, I always thought the movie was shorter. I think because it's a very thread-bare story overall that it meant the movie was under an hour. So checking the length of the film caught be off guard. That is until I remembered "Oh right. This thing is almost wall to wall songs and Dwarf comedy. That explains it." But I do like that the movie doesn't drag its feet with exposition and gets us right into the plot with the queen being jealous of Snow White, sending the huntsman to kill her, only for him to not be up to it, sending Snow White into the forest, meeting the lovable cast of cute creatures, then arriving at the dwarf household. Even when the movie stalls, it always feels like it's at least moving forward and when it's slow, at least those slower bits still have energy in them. Be it the dwarfs returning home and encountering Snow White, or the washing scene. It uses its time well.

Snow White is an interesting protagonist. Well, in terms of character, not so interesting, given her main character trait can be boiled down to as "is nice". Friendly to all and all (but the queen) are friendly to her. Not much in terms of depth, and written to mostly be devoid of flaws, aside from massive naiivitè. Literally within mere minutes of the dwarfs warning her of the queen's possible deception, she takes a creepy old woman for her word that there's no possible way that apple she's lugging around might be poisonous. I get it, without that you have no climax, but it is just so silly. The Seven Dwarfs themselves are all fun characters with lots of life and energy to them, each given enough time to display their particular gimmicks. Bashful is bashful, Happy is happy, Sneezy is sneezy, Dopey is dopey, Sleepy is sleepy. Grumpy is the curmudgeon with the heart of gold, while Doc's whole thing is saying the wrong words and being easily confused. I guess they couldn't find a cutesy name for that malady so "Doc" it is. 

The queen works well in terms of a villain. Not the deepest, but I guess there's not much that needs to be said about her that the narrative given doesn't already make clear. Obsessed with being the fairest in the land and wanting Snow White dead for upstaging her. Though the more pressing issue of the magic mirror talking about how more beautiful a literal child is by comparison is more concerning, but I guess we wouldn't have a plot without it, huh? And then there's the prince. The most existent character in the film and the most problematic when you think about it. And not just the obvious issue of kissing the comatose Snow White without her consent, the sticking point to the entire fairy tale for the longest time, but even his introduction to the film with him jumping the fence and sneaking up on Snow White like the creep he is. Granted, he also becomes the only thing Snow White wants, is fine with having been kissed by while she was seemingly dead, and leaves with her for a happily ever after ending, which becomes the other longtime concern of the film's problems. And given he has less character than Snow White, I don't look at this as a happy ending and more Snow White settles with really the first non-dwarf or huntsman male that she sees. Not exactly winning me on the whimsy department like they intended.

Honestly, the best character in this movie isn't Snow White, or the Queen, or Dopey, Grumpy, Sneezy, Wheezy or Cheesy or whoever, it's the tortoise. The wonderfully slow and adorable little guy who's just trying his best. Clearly he is the glue that keeps this movie from falling deep into disarray. Songs are a big part of the movie and it's packed with them. Arguably too packed as a lot of them just feel like they're there. For every "Heigh Ho" or "Whistle While You Work", there's a "With a Smile and a Song" or a "The Silly Song" that are fine, all sound really great, but don't feel as memorable as the songs in many of the later works. I guess that's another solid example of this being a first movie. That while Snow White does everything it needs to quite well, there's always this sense that it works as the first of many productions in the future. If Snow White can be considered a pilot project for the studio, then it works as one of the best pilots there is.

There are, of course, other issues to have with the movie, most notably how it sabotaged Snow White's voice actress, Adriana Caselotti, from pursuing other roles in the industry because she was intentionally forced by Disney to not do anything else on account of not wanting to dispel the illusion of Snow White, which even for Walt that sounds lame. I get it, especially in that era where there wasn't as much of a peek behind the curtain when it comes to voice acting and all, but really? And then there's the more recent, yet always prevalent, issue regarding the use of the word dwarf itself, which has been recently amplified by Peter Dinklage. My thoughts are that I don't think he's fully in the wrong to have an issue with it, but in terms of portrayals they don't feel like the worst cases either. They work in a mine, are really good at their job, live in a decent cottage in the woods which is really only disheveled on account of their lack of effort, are portrayed in positive roles and, thankfully, aren't presented as love interests for, again, the child. Though part of me wonders if the prince never came back, I think Snow White would have settled for Grumpy. 

And, like I said earlier, the implications that come with the kiss scene that haven't aged very well. Pivotal to the story it may be, it's hard not to look at it with a modern eye and wince a shade. 

Overall, I'd say I really enjoyed Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. In more of a way that I enjoyed it yet probably wouldn't jump back into it any time in the near future, but for a movie to kill off an hour, it does the trick quite well. Yes, it's a rather dry film in comparison to much of what's to come for the company, but in terms of being an important movie, it's definitely deserving of being looked at as an important movie. It's that kind of perfect mix of aged just well for an older movie outside of the obvious issues while also being from the golden age and the style and feel of the movie still feel incredible to experience. That old Hollywood magic that is hard to replicate now. You really couldn't ask for a stronger first step for an animation company going for feature films. So while I say "dry" I mean it it in a sense that doesn't step on the toes of it still being a great movie. 

With the live action remake in the works, I'm curious what they do with it and if there's enough of a plot with it to make the new version work, but it's definitely a "we'll see" thing right now. But when it comes to the classic, it's more than worthy of some Heigh Ho regard. 

RATING: ****

Welcome to Reely Retro

 

I've been considering doing more movie reviews lately. While I've spent a year and a half covering old kids books from past decades, I also want to expand my options. And thus the best way to do that would be to add a blog that covers the different movies (and shows) I'll be watching over the course of the year. Granted, these won't be the more notable play-by-play blogs I've done with the likes of Tooncrap or Raiders of the Bookmark but rather straightforward blogs angled at a minimum of 1500 words a piece (unless there's really not much to talk about). Get my thought in, my ratings and whatever else needs to be said. So hopefully this project will be another I get a lot of energy out of and isn't just another one I really get high on then burn out quickly. We'll see. Until then, welcome to Reely Retro.